


Aperture Science School of Cooking: Oyakodon

by KealynLynnette



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Cooking, Recipe, japanese cooking, oyakodon, script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KealynLynnette/pseuds/KealynLynnette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little project went awry and soon GLaDOS and Wheatley find themselves hosting a cooking show directly from Aperture. Join them for some delicious (and probably not deadly) food.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aperture Science School of Cooking: Oyakodon

**Author's Note:**

> GLaDOS and Wheatley like to bicker off to the side quite a bit. When they do, their character wont be posted, but each line represents a change of character.

G: Hello and welcome to Aperture Science School of Cooking. Today we’re making Oyakodon, a favorite dish from our resident mute lunatic. She’s testing right now, so Wheatley and I will be showing you. Anyways, its not like that fatty could’ve helped much, she is mute..

W: Hey! There’s no need to say things about her like that!

G: Moving on. For Oyakodon, you will need-

W: Ooh! I got this:  
1 ½ cups of water.  
2 tablespoons of sake and sweet sake.  
3 tablespoons of sugar.  
5 tablespoons of soy sauce.  
C-chicken..

_Yeah! Take those stupid, evil birds, kill them, and have them ready._  


W: …Anyways. You also need 4 shiitake mushrooms  
4 eggs.  
Rice.  
And various fish-shaped items to be discussed in the future.

G: …idiot. We’re not making cake, we don’t need fish-shaped items.

W: But Craig said… 

G: I don’t care what that buffoon, said, we’re not using fish-shaped items. 

W: Fine! Let’s just get started. First, you take the knife…

_Give me the knife.  
No! I don’t trust you with this.  
Give it…  
No!  
-glare-  
…..Gah! FINE. HERE. TAKE IT._  


W: Watch as she cuts the chicken into small pieces. You humans watching this need to make sure to do it like she is. 

G: After you cut up the evil bird here, you take the onion and cut it in half. Then take those halves and cut them into 5mm pieces, for scientific purposes.

W: Now, for the dissection..

G: Its not dissection, its cooking, get it right.

W: Hmph. You take the mushroom, and cut the stem from the cap. Then take the cap and cut them into smaller, 8mm pieces! Aren’t they adorable?

G: …I would ask what’s wrong with you, but I don’t really care.

_Evil woman…  
What was that?  
Nothing… nothing…  
_

W: Now all the cutting is done, so you can put away the knife now…

_No.  
Yes. You have to. We don’t need it anymore.  
If I recall, you don’t really get to tell me what to do.  
I-if you don’t put it down, then we cant continue!  
…fine.  
_

G: Phew. Okay. Crisis averted. So the cutting is all done, so now you just need to boil the water and add the sake, sweet sake, sugar, the soy sauce…

_And the neurotoxin.  
WE CANT PUT IN NEUROTOXIN.  
Why?  
Because that stuff’s -bad-. NO NEUROTOXIN.  
Okay. Fine. After the soy sauce we add the combustible lemon juice…  
NONE OF THAT EITHER.  
WELL WHAT DO WE PUT IN THEN?  
THE POTATOES  
…. You are this close to being violently disassembled.  
_

W: Fine fine. What we actually put in is the chicken. 

G: Revenge is sooo sweet.

W: ….Ignoring that. You wait until the chicken’s color changes, and then add the inions and the mushrooms.

G: Let that beast cook for 5 mins. No more, no less, or you’re going back into the testing chambers.

W: Right. Okay. Well now that the chicken’s done, you put ¼ of all of this into the pan. Boil it, add the eggs, and stir it.

G: Now pretend it’s the incinerator, since you have to cover it and raise it up to 9000K…

W: THAT’S NOT RIGHT EITHER. You have to lower the heat, not raise it.

_Moron, stop correcting me.  
Well, stop trying to kill the humans!  
All I’m trying to do is science.  
And I’m trying to cook!  
_

W: We’re almost done anyways. Go ahead and add the rice to a bowl…

_That’s not a bowl._

W: Add rice to a bowl…

_That’s not a bowl either._

W: Add rice to a bowl and then add your chicken mix. Tada! Oyakodon.

G: Who taught you to cook?

W: Oh. Um.. A friend… AND THAT’S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE.

G: Come back next time to collect your $60 and to watch the Turrents do a delicious chocolate mousse.  



End file.
